How do you have effective conversations with colleagues?

A critical conversation is one where a meaningful exchange of information and opinion occurs; it is also likely to be a difficult conversation. There are some excellent books on this topic: Crucial Conversations – Tools for Talking When the Stakes are High, Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzer, McGraw-Hill 2002; Difficult Conversations – How to Discuss What Matters Most, Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen, Penguin Books, 2000; and Fierce Conversations – Achieving Success at Work and In Life – One Conversation at a Time, Susan Scott, Viking, 2002.

To obtain the skill of having a successful critical conversation, one must understand and practice the following:

1. Start with the “Third Story” – the story an objective observer would tell.

2. Do not ask: “What happened?”

3. Do not talk about fault or assign blame.

4. Focus on the joint contribution of the parties that created the situation.

5. Each party should have an opportunity to express that party’s views and feelings by sharing that party’s story.

6. Ask and answer questions about feelings.

7. Each party should have examined that party’s values to feel comfortable and balanced about that party’s identity.

8. Each party should explore the other party’s perspective.

9. Once each party’s needs are known, ask: “Is there a way to satisfy the needs of all of the parties?”

Having a successful critical conversation is a skill that can be learned with practice.